i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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