Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
