my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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