FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
