you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
