in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
where are you?
Hypothermia
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
