I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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