Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Green mimosas i think yes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
