Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
