; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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