I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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