So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
farters have to be the big spoon...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
