Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
