That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
