i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I want a musical about memes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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