Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
