I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize