take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
