so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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