is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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