Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize