Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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