and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize