I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize