Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
