life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
