The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
