Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize