why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
