I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
