i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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