I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
