I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
