I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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