you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
