Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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