I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
