Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
