after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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