Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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