just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
bring money and cleavage
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
