Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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