party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize