so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
