Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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