I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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