i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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