oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
