Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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