Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize