I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
