If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
