Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
