i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
