I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
