I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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