What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
