why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
