She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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