did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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