well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
