You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
