Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
