i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
