Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
