somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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