AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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