I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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