So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
