Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
