It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
