Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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