Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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