Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize