I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
