wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
