She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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