So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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