Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
