it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Alive.
So much puke
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
